I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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