Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
