she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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