my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
What drink are we having for lunch?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
