my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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