Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
