Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We are all done wearing pants today
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
