1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
