he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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