I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
