Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
