How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
