so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
there was a trapeze. enough said
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
