I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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