Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I think my moral compass just broke
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