please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
