The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
