just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
