I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just googled if crying burns calories
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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