I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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