using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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