just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
