3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
