Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
