Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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