U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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