just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
