Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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