so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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