So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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