you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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