I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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