Midget sex pt 2 tonight
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
