WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
