yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
