OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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