you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
