cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
