apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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