Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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