You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
