yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
