checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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