Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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