The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
