They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
it was like eating out sand paper
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
