im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Soap is not a condiment
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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