Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
