Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
