so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
