I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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