I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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