Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
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