Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
