After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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