I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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