I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
