its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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