Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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