at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
