his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
is it fun? or sober?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
