I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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