How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
