I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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