allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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