Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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