using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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