Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
