I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Found your dick twin last night
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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