we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize