I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
