You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
