Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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