I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
