The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
