Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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