I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
