I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
