My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize