she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
