I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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