i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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