We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
