I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
