I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
