Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
