If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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