our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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