Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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