I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
