i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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