win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
