He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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