i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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