By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
