I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
