Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
