I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
