and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
