Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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